Chasingsunsets (original poster new member #86112) posted at 4:55 PM on Saturday, August 8th, 2026
What does your relationship with your in laws look like after the affair? We have never been super close to my in laws, but before dd our relationship consisted mostly of me sending pictures and updates of the kids. They have never called the kids or made a huge effort to visit, we would mainly visit them. After dd I completely stopped reaching out for a while as I was in complete survival mode. They knew about the affair and told my husband and I that I needed to move forward. They made a lot of comments to my husband and me about how they missed the pictures. I started to send pictures of the kids again, although it is definitely less frequent. They still rarely initiate contact but always say how they miss hearing from me, or wish I would reach out more. I think the affair changed the way I am and all of my relationships in life. I will never put more effort into someone than I’m getting back.
BearlyBreathing ( member #55075) posted at 1:22 AM on Sunday, August 9th, 2026
His parents, his problem. He can send pictures and updates. Protect your peace. Or tell them they need to move forward. 
[This message edited by BearlyBreathing at 1:23 AM, Sunday, August 9th]
Me: BS 57 (49 on d-day)Him: *who cares ;-) *. D-Day 8/15/2016 LTA. Kinda liking my new life :-)
**horrible typist, lots of edits to correct. :-/ **
Superesse ( member #60731) posted at 4:31 AM on Sunday, August 9th, 2026
I hear you! Don't you wonder sometimes about people who say things like they did about "moving forward?" Like, is that attitude taken from a chapter in their own marriage? I wouldn't be surprised....same thing happened with my WH's parents. They took to calling WH on his cell phone at his workplace, or on his way home, so they wouldn't have to chance me answering the land line telephone! I too was in survival mode and they absolutely didn't care, as I found out.
It says a lot about his FOO, to my mind. I like Bearly's suggestion!
Raven25 ( new member #86953) posted at 3:21 PM on Monday, August 10th, 2026
My relationship with WH family has always felt sort of strained, it's a whole family of avoidants. I asked to be removed from all group chats as I no longer had the energy or motivation to be the one to maintain those relationships. The lack of protection of my heart has been a long standing pattern even with his family so he's had to really address some tough family dynamics to make it clear I was the priority.
The affair changed a lot, him having to face his toxic family environment was a big part of making me feel safe and secure. I still do not speak to much of his family but mostly because no one other than his father/step mom have reached out to me. The good news is WH learned about his mother's infidelities after a lifetime of being told his father was the issue. She's an alcoholic and narcissist so it's been eye opening for him as he had been manipulated by her and most of his coping mechanisms are rooted in his unstable childhood. From my perspective, he always relied on me to be the one to maintain those relationships, his lack of being able to maintain our marriage now means his family is his own to update and include as he sees fit.
It's sad, but also a huge relief for me.
