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Can someone please explain POLF to me or point me in the direction of where I can read about it.

I have seen it mentioned in a lot of posts but not sure what is really is 🙏

The Plain of Lethal Flatness is when you become numb emotionally due to the pain that has been inflicted on you.

https://www.survivinginfidelity.com/documents/library/articles/recovery/plain-of-lethal-flatness/

I experienced this, and as best I can explain it, it was a period that seemed to come after the fireworks of D-Day wore off, after the adrenaline wore off, after the drama, after the hysterical bonding.

My exWW came in strong after D-Day, reading books, writing long confession-apology-explanation letters, constantly reinforcing her resolve to fix everything, notes in lunch boxes, unexpected affirmations of love, etc., but this level of effort is exhausting to maintain, for anyone.

And then you begin to settle back into a state of relative calm, like a Dead Calm in an ocean, that allows, for the first time since D-Day, an opportunity for deep contemplation, and you begin to re-evaluate, everything, question everything, especially the specialness of what you had, have, and ever going to have.

In the wake of D-Day, you’re almost in a constant state of adrenaline consumption, shock, panic, denial, confusion, anger, turmoil, anxiety, actions and preparation, and when all that winds down…you’re left in a void of calm, a very stark reality, a POLF, with nothing else but an exhausted WS, a tainted love, and your thoughts, doubts and an uncertain future, a plane that seems devoid of specialness.

I think it’s important to remember that this is a state of mind, not necessarily a state of reality.

Que America “A Horse With No Name”

[This message edited by RealityBlows at 8:50 PM, Friday, September 20th]

I view the POLF as a period of no change and resulting numbness that occurs well after d-day. If there really is no change, or if the change goes in a direction you don't want to go, it's a time to wake yourself up and figure out how you will get back to living in the here and now.

When you first find out about the infidelity, and for a time after that, it’s like being in a hurricane. Torrential rains, winds breaking trees, objects flying, and massive flooding. After a time the hurricane passes, the sky’s are bright blue, but when you look out all you see is the massive amount of destruction and are staring at the rebuilding process and the amount of work needed to put things back together.

You are just kind of frozen looking at what needs to be done and at least in my case realizing that whatever is built will never be as good as what was there before the storm.