Is the degree of an affair inversely proportional to the degree of "limbo" experienced by the betrayed spouse (BS)?

Let’s propose a classification for types of affairs (A):
1. Flirting, "testing the market" (social media, Tinder, etc.)
2. Emotional affair (EA) / limerence
3. Sexting (some categorize this as group 4)
4. Physical affair (PA)
Other factors should also be considered, such as duration, how it was discovered (e.g., whether there was a confession), etc.

-As for the "limbo" experienced by the betrayed spouse (BS), it is more complex to classify. The parameters here would be:
A—The extent and duration of codependency, "hysterical bonding," the "pick-me" dynamic, etc.
B—Symptoms experienced by the BS: insomnia, asthenia (fatigue/weakness), muscle tension, irritability, obsessive doubts (mental scenarios, nightmares, jealousy, hypervigilance), an inability to concentrate, etc.

In reality, the duration is more concerning than the specific symptoms of this "limbo" state itself.

So, my theory is: the milder the affair, the longer the "limbo" lasts.

What do you think?

16 comments posted: Friday, October 30th, 2026

How did you deal with your trauma in Individual Counseling?

I don't remember exactly what my treatment was like three years ago; it was brief, 8 to 10 sessions. My IC told me about the ghost of loss (fear of...).
Then we quickly came to the conclusion that life is about that: loss, and that it's not total, but partial.
Then comes the decision-making part, but that's what made me change my mind.
What was your experience?

4 comments posted: Friday, August 1st, 2025