Hi everyone, this might not be the most unbiased place for this topic, but I wasn’t sure where else to bring this.
Quick backstory: I had an affair in college (13 years ago) that I didn’t disclose to my husband until last year, 3 years into our marriage. He also confessed infidelities on his end during our engagement/marriage.
We are divorced, and I have been in intensive therapy ever since.
One topic in therapy I’m working through is my low self worth, and how I was not very hurt by my ex’s infidelities because:
1. I had been unfaithful to him in the past, so I "deserved" this and had no right to feel hurt
2. I am just happy that he stayed with me and still showed me love and affection, even when he wanted to be with/persue other women
I’ve made some progress here, however my therapist said something a few weeks ago that has stuck with me.
For context, my ex was a musician. Also, my therapist works with a lot of high-profile celebrities like musicians and actors.
I believe she was attempting to make me "feel better" about my ex’s infidelities, but she made a comment that "she hasn’t had any high profile celebrity couples in her office that didn’t deal with infidelity". That it’s very common, and every man in these couples has stepped out, and some of the women chose to "look the other way".
I had experienced such extreme shame for the past 13 years because I truly believed myself to be the devil, however during this process (and sharing my experience with the people around me), it seems that so many people have been touched by infidelity.
While none of my friends/support system have been unfaithful, they have all been on the receiving end. Also, a lot of my friends are close friends with celebrities or people in the arts, and evidently infidelity is extremely common and often forgiven.
This realization has made me feel worse, not better. I don’t want to believe so many people capable of this. Even worse, it seems to be somewhat "expected" at times.
My infidelity almost killed me, and seriously hurt my ex. I had extreme SI, I still struggle with the extreme shame. How is it possible that so many people treat infidelity as "just another thing that happens in life"?
Apologies if this seems like a bit of a "dump", I am relearning a lot of beliefs and not sure what to make of this. I am afraid of future relationships, both because of my shame (how could anyone love or trust me?) and because of this apparent prevalence of infidelity (how can I trust any future partner?)
