SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Well, this has been a many year's issue with me. My wife and I have been together for 26 years, and during that time, I have betrayed her multiple times, in multiple ways. Sometimes, I didn't think I was doing anything wrong, but I later learned that it was.

We have currently reached the final straw, and like a heel, it has taken me this long to really realize how bad I have been and how much I have hurt her. She has given me 6 months to show some drastic change and improvement, or she is gone.

I recognize my wrong-doings, and I accept the fact that I have caused all of the pain. Just today I found a therapist who does virtual counselling, and next week I have an initial consultation with him. This will be the first time that I have reached out to try therapy. I have to do virtual because I am a contractor that works overseas... which hasnt helped my actions any. I will be done with contracting in 10 months at the latest now, but possibly 6 months.

I was looking for resources today to find something, anything to possibly help me when I came across this site. I dont expect sympathy or anything for my past deeds, but hopefully I can find some advice on how to proceed with my journey of improvement.

Thanks all of you for listening.

Greetings

I’m sorry you’re here but glad you found this place. Some quick advice, sit here and read, read and read some more. I never really grasped how destructive infidelity is until I came here. I bought into the Hollywood narrative and told myself it was no big deal. Now I know better.

Try and be honest with yourself and your actions. Put aside all the justifications and excuses because there aren’t any. We cheated because we wanted to and didn’t care about the potential fallout.

It’s good that you’re seeking therapy. Make sure the therapist holds your feet to the fire. Don’t let them try to soft soap what you’ve don’t or try and lay any blame at your wife’s feet. Own what you’ve done and work through it.

Also, if you feel you’re able to, take the stop signs off your posts. You’ll be able to get input from betrayed spouses as well. While some of it will be hard to hear, it was invaluable to me.

Best of luck.

Hello. Former WH here. Glad you found us.

To piggyback on what you've already been told, don't be afraid to fire your therapist if they aren't a good fit. Make sure they hold you accountable and have experience with infidelity. The last thing you need to hear from a professional is how to rugsweep this or push blame toward your BW.

Another thing: You mention being an overseas contractor. If you've been cheating while working far from home, it will be imperative for you to find yourself a new job. That's pretty hard to hear but it's necessary for your BW's peace of mind along with your own. If your current contract has the possibility of ending early (which you mentioned), then jump on that and in the meantime start figuring out what you're going to do next. Especially if you've been cheating with a co-worker.

Keep in mind that the current 6 month deadline your BW has given you could lengthen or shorten. You might do everything perfectly and be the model reformed cheating spouse and she may still pull the plug on the marriage. Recovery and healing has to also be for YOU, regardless of the consequences.

One day at a time. Best of luck to you both.