SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Let’s say he loves you and can’t live without you.

What about the disrespect he showed you - how is he accounting for that?

Yes, I am trying to tell myself that I shouldn’t be dragging this and I don’t deserve any of this. All I asked for was bare minimum and he couldn’t even provided the basic parameters of a marriage.
The minute I am home after work, all my thought processes and work goes into drain and I am back to asking him the same questions again and again. And he again told me that I need to stop harrasing him by bringing up the same topic every day.

I think I need to work on myself and find strategies to help me to stay away from having any sort of communication related to this. I need to keep it to what matters now- which are our kids. But then he tries to make small talks and act of love, and that’s where I loose myself, again.

JB:
The1stWife has it right, 'My guess is he continues this behavior because he doesn’t think you will ever leave him.'
(My XWH most likely felt the same as he kept all that same behavior until after we divorced and separated. NOW he is telling our kids that he is miserable and that he doesn't want this.)
My guess is that a month out is your best timing to get away from your WH. Check into your legal options and the 180.

Ahh! I can’t cope with this. It’s too much. Everytime when I say something (I keep it to myself 95% of the time), he gets annoyed that why I keep bringing it up as it’s been a month already.
Anyways, I do not see myself trusting him again as there are no grounds or morality. I asked him yesterday if he sees us together in next 5 years, he said if the things stays like this (my intense reaction) his answer is "no"
It’s funny how now it’s him deciding and I don’t get to react to the pain I am feeling.
I am so so so heartbroken and empty from inside :(

Ahh! I can’t cope with this. It’s too much. Everytime when I say something (I keep it to myself 95% of the time), he gets annoyed that why I keep bringing it up as it’s been a month already.
Anyways, I do not see myself trusting him again as there are no grounds or morality. I asked him yesterday if he sees us together in next 5 years, he said if the things stays like this (my intense reaction) his answer is "no"
It’s funny how now it’s him deciding and I don’t get to react to the pain I am feeling.
I am so so so heartbroken and empty from inside :(

Jelly, a question sister.

Are you doing the pick me dance?

As in trying to show your opennes to reconciliation with the cheater, hoping they will come around?

There are ways to do that, including even showing your hurt as you would do to a partner so they would come around and take care of you (seems the case).

Just asking because it does not work. It never works.

When they are in their cheater self, they don’t act like a normal person does.

Isn’t even entirely true they don’t give a fuck, perhaps they do but the shame and ego take over on autopilot.

A weak person sees others vulnerability as weakness, and a broken ego farms that to feel uplifted by stomping on you to feel strong.

There aren’t many things in this world that are as weak and pathetic as a cheater.

So if he sees you vulnerable he will take the chance of abusing you to feel powerful.
Because he is now confident you aren’t going to,leave him. Because he is sure he got away with no consequences. He doesn’t care of any price to pay because he sees you are paying the emotional toll and he is perfectly fine and happy to let you get emotionally bankrupt.

Read about the 180 and implement it hard.
He doesn’t deserve any emotions mercy right now.

Treat him like an incumbency for logistic and a necessary bother, save your emotional energy for yourself, for he doesn’t deserve a drop more of neither your feeling nor your tears.

You will see what happens soon.

It's been more than 2 months now and I am afraid my mind and heart is going to brush if off again and I will continue to live with him to get cheated on again in future.
I still love him, my heart do wants to be with him, experience the physical affection. All I wish is if he would have thought about me before crossing the boundaries at least this time, since we have kids and the consequences will break our family.
My husband wasn't completely honest when he told me that AP is married. She is engaged and is getting married in a couple of months.
I got a message from her saying she truly love and care for my husband and she loves him in a way which is hard to describe. In that message she told me that, she is stepping away not because she doesn't have any feelings for my husband but, because she doesn't want to hurt me. It really broke my heart that my husband decided to take this AP's feelings in a way where she now truly love and care for him.

We still are under the same roof and things are so bad every evening where I seek answers to my questions and my husband gets fed up with me bringing it up every single day. I am trying to keep my emotions to myself but it's hard when I see him every single day and he is literally in the next room.
He has told me not to spy on him if I am not going to stay married to him.

In 2 months, one of the weekend, he was really trying to make me stay with him but after that back to his defensiveness and arguments.

He is a manager of AP and now AP is getting married and apply for leaves for the wedding period. I could see my husband acted different when she applied for the leave.

I don't know what I am going to do. I have told my friends and they have told me that, there are too many red flags and I will definitely find someone else way better than him but I can't execute the decision of leaving him. I am scared.

You are scared because it is scary. But he’s not changing and he’s not interested in changing. He wants you to sweep it all under the rug.

He should be scared - the AP can claim harassment and he can lose his job.

Tell me, what EXACTLY is it that you are afraid of?
Never finding love again? I think you can do better.
The family unit being split up? Do you think it’s healthy to see their mom so unhappy and treated poorly?

Read the pinned post in the Separation/Divorce forum on fear vs reality. SO SO SO many were afraid but what they found was it was a lot less scary than going through life with an unremorseful cheater or having yet another DDAY a few years down the road.

If he won’t change, then you need to.

Are you in IC? Maybe a good IC can help you build up strength while you get your ducks in a row.
Or at least help you get to a place where you feel stronger and detach from your WS.

Hang in there and focus on you and your kids.