Revpab (original poster new member #87662) posted at 4:51 PM on Monday, August 10th, 2026
You're exactly right on validation. She was constantly receiving praise, validation and emotional support from this guy and which she said I didn't provide for her.
Letmebefrank ( member #86994) posted at 6:19 PM on Monday, August 10th, 2026
She was constantly receiving praise, validation and emotional support from this guy and which she said I didn't provide for her
Even if this were true, it does not justify her affair. She had a hundred different options. She could have talked to you. Asked for marriage counseling. She could have divorced you. But instead she chose, repeatedly, to seek these things from AP. She chose to lie and betray.
She really needs to be in therapy to figure out why she is like that and why she chose to handle it the way she did.
OhItsYou ( member #84125) posted at 7:06 PM on Monday, August 10th, 2026
From your telling of it, I don’t see any kind of remorse from your WW. All I see is someone who will say & do whatever she wants because she already knows you won’t leave. NEVER give the impression that you’ll stay no matter what. Usually the only way you can get a WS to come to terms with what they’ve done is when they truly fear they will lose you and their lifestyle over it.
Revpab (original poster new member #87662) posted at 7:19 PM on Monday, August 10th, 2026
She's ready to leave also, she says any decision I make is fine for her. All she says is, decide one way or another and stop bringing up this topic.
Chaos ( member #61031) posted at 7:46 PM on Monday, August 10th, 2026
I was going to say a lot of things...but after reading this:
She's ready to leave also, she says any decision I make is fine for her. All she says is, decide one way or another and stop bringing up this topic.
You already know. And so does she - she just wants you to be the "bad guy"
I'm wondering out loud if things ever really ended.
She will find out soon enough the grass only seemed to be greener due to all the shit they were shoveling.
Document everything and avail yourself of free consultations from a few attorneys to really see what this could look like down the road.
She has no remorse.
BS-me/WH-4.5yrLTA Married 2+ decades-2 adult children. Multiple DDays w/same LAP until I told OBS 2018- Cease & Desist sent spring 2021 "Hello–My name is Chaos–You f***ed my husband-Prepare to Die!"
Pogre ( member #86173) posted at 7:53 PM on Monday, August 10th, 2026
Rev, I'm sorry but from what you're saying it doesn't sound like you have much to work with. I think you should read up on the 180 and start working on detaching from her. The 180 is meant to help you start focusing on yourself and it will also fulfill her wish for you to stop bringing it up. If she doesn't want to talk about it and doesn't care about the marriage do you really want to remain in it like this?
In some cases a WS will react to a person doing the 180 and start turning back toward the marriage, but that's not the purpose. The purpose is to prepare you to start detaching and focus on yourself. You can find it in the healing library in the drop down at the top of the page.
https://www.survivinginfidelity.com/documents/library/articles/discovery/understanding-the-180/
[This message edited by Pogre at 7:59 PM, Monday, August 10th]
Where am I going... and why am I in this handbasket?
