SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

"Despair" was powerful, sir.

In all of my years here, the one thing that never ceases to amaze me is just how hard infidelity hits people.

NoThanksForTheMemories, will the novel be shared or will it stay secret. I like word smithing too!

If I'm lucky, it will be published (I have 3 other novels to my name already). Unfortunately, even if that does come to pass, I can't share the info here without breaking anonymity. The novel doesn't directly cover infidelity. Instead, the main character's fiance dies, and I drew on my heartbreak and sense of loss to write her experience.

Unhinged, thank you! It wasn’t as hard to write because it was just the pain pouring out of me.

I know infidelity hits everyone hard but it’s absolutely devastating to some folks like me.

NoThanksForTheMemories,

I think that’s awesome and an excellent approach to your novel!

Hey everyone, some great and insightful poems being shared.

For a few years after D-day I would have terrible dreams of my wife’s affair partner and her having sex that was grandiose compared to her and I. I could not compete with my imagination. I didn’t think I’d ever delete him from our bed, but with time and a lot of soul searching, I did. However, I wrote this poem when I was in the thorned thicket. It was upon my re-reading it and analyzing it that I realized I was going to have to figure my way out of this! Needless to say, I’m far away from this point in time.

Dream’s Razor

Danger lies in sleeps false comfort
From shadowy corners it creeps
A thickening fog of memories
Two hands can’t push away

Tussling, rustling, tossing
As dream’s razor slides,
Cutting from the inside
Leaving scars, I hide

Great poem Asterisk! I think a lot of us can understand perfectly!

I know infidelity hits everyone hard but it’s absolutely devastating to some folks like me.

Just to clarify a bit. For most people, the betrayal of infidelity is a profound shock and a severe emotional and psychological trauma. Few traumas compare. Words like devastating, demolished, catastrophic, and dehumanizing all apply. Betrayed spouses often end up with PTSD, or PISD (post infidelity stress disorder). I certainly don't mean to minimize its affects in any way, shape or form.

It took me about ten months just to recover from the shock of it all. It took me years to heal. It took me years to fully understand how the trauma affected me. It's been over five years since my ex-wife and I separated and I haven't been on a single date since then. Not one. So while I feel healed and at peace, I think there's certainly lingering damage that I need to address (which is why I'm in therapy again).

It never ceases to amaze me. Even decades later a single trigger can fuck someone up, right?

Exactly Unhinged, a single trigger years later can bring you to your knees! I can’t help but think that there will be lingering damage in all of us!

I confess that I am a bad poet, but have also found a release by writing poetry. I chose Haiku, mostly because it has rules, doesn’t need to rhyme, and is short. I wrote the following several years after Dday, thinking about where I was, the season of the discovery and one of the overwhelming emotions it evoked.

Her secret exposed.
On a cold white Utah morning.
Humiliation.

Notsogreatexpectations,

That says it all!!

Written 5 years after her affair

Scars

The scar very deep filled with such pain

A constant reminder burned into my brain.

I know it will be there till my dying breath

Finally to leave when I meet my death.

We have made our peace, put this in the past,

Forgiven her yes but the pain will still last.

Sometimes reminded by the look in her eye,

Dagger thru heart, gut wrenching cry.

Why can’t I forget and move on with my life

The shocking betrayal by my loving wife.

[This message edited by 31RS at 11:23 PM, Friday, August 7th]

Unhinged, you talk about betrayed spouses often ending up with ptsd and I strongly agree. I was deployed for Operation Iraqi Freedom (OIF) 2 and 4, I lost two friends in OIF 2 and one friend in OIF 4 but being over there and occasionally getting into some very "challenging" situations none of that could compare to my wife’s betrayal!

[This message edited by 31RS at 2:40 AM, Saturday, August 8th]

The second line is a poetic lie. It wasn’t written to be, it was me, lying to myself. The setting; I was driving through a snowy, winter morning on a lonely, country highway that was stretching through endless fields of Timothy Hay. After a couple of hours of hilly, pure white nothingness, I came across a turn-of-the-century, abandoned homestead. I pulled over and studied the decay of what I imagined had to have been the home of a confident, optimistic family. Sitting there, passenger window fogging up, I didn’t understand why I felt fully attached to this sod-roofed dwelling, dug into the hillside. Not until I finished and reread the poem did I understand my subconscious’ desire to be listened to. I was writing my story, one of enormous hope, tattered, losing its battle with time, reflected by a humble, decaying habitat that, when erected was a family’s edifice.

Abandoned Structures

I’m in the loneliest of places
Not of heart, rather of location
Intrigued by some forgotten dwellings
Century old dugouts, standing forlorn

Burrowed within the barren hillside
Erected structures partly exposed
Weathered-beaten, warped, worn-out old walls
Hovels holding against aging forces

Decaying leaves in winter slumber
Surround the stately oak, its tattered
Child swing of brittle rope, splintered board
Leaves evidential trace of past lives lived

I ponder my right to venture in
Waking the hushed cohabitants – those
Creatures and memories living within
Century old dugouts, standing forlorn

Asterisk, very good poem!

"I was writing my story, one of enormous hope, tattered, losing its battle with time, reflected by a humble, decaying habitat that, when erected was a family’s edifice".

The above reflects well in the poem! Keep it up, you’ve got some great, heartfelt poems to share!

Two Tracks

Deep in the hidden corners of my mind,
Two patterns emerge and have for a time.
One full of love, tender and sweet,
The other bad memories and pain on repeat.
Time and sanity forced these apart,
Years of two tracks burdened my heart.
At first they were close almost the same,
Each year that past widened their frame.
Finally with time and healing each part,
One track remains straight to her heart.

A stark story of the two-track split of one’s love and the battle within the heart to merge (or not) that affection that once was thought undividable. Sorrow and joy mixed. Well said 31RS.

Thanks Asterisk, you explained it well.