SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

The total disregard for my feelings....I know that y'all have seen and experienced way more than me, but this is the worst moment of my life.

There is no measuring stick or gauge that determines how badly or compares how an affair hurts someone vs another. For each and every one of us it's the worst experience of our lives.

My heart breaks reading your posts because I know exactly how the fuck you feel. I really do. I wish there was a magic phrase or strategy we could offer that could help, but unfortunately there just isn't. Only time.

What you don't want to do is nothing. From everything we can see she's giving you fewer and fewer options. Based on her behavior and actions there's an ever so slight, but unlikely chance that she might turn this around once divorce is officially on the table, but I wouldn't bet on it. From what I can tell, it's the only card you have left unless you're prepared to continue living in this limbo while your wife continues working and maintaining some sort of relationship with this guy and continuing to stomp on your very real, very justified, and very raw feelings.

You will eventually start feeling better. It just takes longer than anyone wants it to. I'm sorry brother. I'm sorry you're being put through this.

If she starts to rage at you as you believe she will, just tell her "sorry you feel that way, all of this is caused by your actions, and your actions alone." Then walk away. Don’t bother engaging in a war of words.

Have been talking/texting with the OM's wife the past 24 hours and his lies are just as good (or bad) as my WW's. Difference is, he's in counseling and talking about renewing their vows. Calling the A a mistake and a fling. My WW doesn't know this of course as she's still being fed lies and living in a fantasy. OM's wife felt the need to share with me how many times my WW F'd her man and such - details I'll never be able to get out of my head. Knowing any guy, or girl for that matter, when confronted, the number given is typically way less than the true number. So yeah, I have that to deal with tonight. I'm numb. I finally picked up medication that was prescribed by my psych this morning. Have not taken, but look forward to not feeling so much anxiety and emotions. I started to look back at the original post and all of your responses and it genuinely made me cry. I want to say that it brought me full circle, but I'm not there yet. I thank all of you for taking the time to read my OP, chime in and offer advice. I'd give special shout outs to a few for going above and beyond, but you know who you are - so thank you. It means more to me than you'll ever fucking know.

I am hurting so bad but I do see light, as glim as it may be. I do need a hug so if you have one, please send it my way. Love to you all

Oh, and I took out a $10k loan and should have the funds on Monday. Attorney is on retainer

Beetrain,

Big virtual embrace to you friend. What you are feeling is so very justified. The pain is real. You will survive this. Don't try to escape the grief, but embrace it to do its healing work.

I can tell you this, when I was in the depths of my grief, I found great comfort knowing that God understood and cared. I would slowly read through and pray through Psalms and He was there. He showed me His heart. He will do the same for you. ❤️🙏

Sounds like you're slowly coming out of the shock phase and ending the initial investigation phase by talking with the OBS. You'll get through it- keep up the therapy and see how the meds work on you to take the edge off. Be prepared to enter the anger phase once the shock fully wears off. You probably felt brief flashes of anger constantly throughout the past 3 weeks, it will become more constant and consume your day-to-day life until you work it out. Find an appropriate outlet- exercising is great especially a heavy bag to pound on and lifting heavy things in the gym.

Good luck with the attorney today, hope you found a good one. Follow the attorney's advice to the letter.

I think I warned you about conducting an 'autopsy' of your marriage with your WW at this time. She's going to want to continue to do this to shift the blame (any amount of blame) to you. Avoid this at all cost. Keep to the 180, file for divorce and you'll get through this. If you don't, you'll find yourself living in limbo hell. This site has numerous stories of betrayeds trying to live with unremorseful and unrepentant waywards, muddling through their life with unanswered questions and unresolved issues. You don't want to be one of those that post years later saying how they wished they left when they found out. You will not find a person that says they regret divorcing or leaving a cheater.

Thanks, Nuke.

It's basically come full circle - I guess, in a way. My WW communicated (text) with the OM's wife this morning. It started with my WW saying "stop texting my husband," to "I'm sorry that I was selfish in my actions that I've hurt you and my H." Of course, after a bunch of trivial back and forth messages that started as katty (spelling), but ultimately ended up raw and real.

I still do not know what I'm going to do.

What I do know, is that my WW clearly sees that the OM duped her, played her, lied to her, said all the right things to get her in the sack and have his way with her. Whether she regrets it, I truly don't and probably never will know. What I do know as well, is she feels alone, which in a way she deserves - I get that, but it's clear that the fantasy that was playing in her head has ended......for now......bc I don't know what 1 month will bring us, 2 months, 3....and so on. I have an attorney, have the papers ready and for some reason still hesitate. I hate that about me. I truly do. She ripped my heart out and there's no way of ever knowing if I can ever trust her again. Therapy is what it is - I don't know if I like my therapist and/or how she is as a therapist, but I will give it time as I've only been twice. The meds....who knows if they'll work or not. Too early to tell, but I do know that I'm emotionally and physically spent.

I don't know if my WW still loves me....her actions say no, but her words say yes. I have a feeling in my gut that she's going to end up in some way resenting me for ruining her fantasy and when the dust settles, hooks up with him again - b/c they can. I don't know. I am lost more and more each day. Love you all.

ONLY....and I mean ONLY....ACTIONS that are consistent over long periods of time can potentially be believed. Do NOT believe her words.

Dude for craps sake. You said she has called you a dick and a liar and a bitch and she’s divorcing you and you hate her and that is all in the last 3 weeks. Now her words say she loves you? WTAF? You need to take control of this right now. File the damn papers. Show her some GD consequences, stop crying in front of her and man the F up. Then see if she wants to fix this and how.

Give yourself a break. Youve been on an emotional roller-coaster. Catch your breath. In time you will figure out what you want to do. As for your WW, her fantssy life fell apart. It was never real.

Watch her actions, not her words. Always value yourself. Your WW's actions have been very common and predictable. Now she wants to hoover you back.in. Dont be anybody's plan B.

Good luck.