Asterisk (original poster member #86331) posted at 1:32 PM on Sunday, August 9th, 2026
I am reading an interesting book, one that is challenging my way of interacting with others when stress, of any kind or origins, is involved. On page 100 it asked me something that I have asked myself hundreds of thousands of times. The question was not what I found challenging. It was what followed the question, a zinger of a statement, that really has my mind focused on the enquiry it asked.
Are there any circumstances under which I could imagine myself behaving as they do? If my answer is yes, I’m reminded that they are human. If my answer is no, I haven’t considered the question deep enough.
Unhinged ( member #47977) posted at 2:39 PM on Sunday, August 9th, 2026
What's the book and the question?
This reminds me of the Roman playwright Terrance who once wrote:
"Homo sum, humani nihil a me alienum puto."
"I am human, and I consider nothing that is human to be alien to me".
Married 2005
D-Day April, 2015
Divorced May, 2022
"The Universe is not short on wake-up calls. We're just quick to hit the snooze button." -Brene Brown
31RS ( member #85747) posted at 4:47 PM on Sunday, August 9th, 2026
I’m assuming this is asking if I’d cheat on my wife as she cheated on me? This should be a simple answer but of course for me it’s not.
Difficult to give a yes/no on this. I think it was sissoon who said some of us are hardwired not to cheat, I’ve always felt I was one of those creatures but I also know I’m human and the right set of circumstances could change everything. I’ve had some great opportunities to cheat but it wasn’t me pursuing and as soon as I saw what was going on I ran away asap.
After my wife told me about her affair the idea of revenge cheating crossed my mind but I knew I would never do that. It definitely wouldn’t make things better and I couldn’t put her through that kind of heartbreak, even in my messed up state of mind!
Could a greater miracle take place than for us to look through each other's eyes for an instant?
Henry David Thoreau
Pogre ( member #86173) posted at 6:24 PM on Sunday, August 9th, 2026
I'm guessing the question isn't specifically about infidelity, but any and all behavior in general.
Where am I going... and why am I in this handbasket?
31RS ( member #85747) posted at 6:27 PM on Sunday, August 9th, 2026
Pogre, you’re probably right but since Asterisk posted here I figured I’d put my 2 cents in :)
Could a greater miracle take place than for us to look through each other's eyes for an instant?
Henry David Thoreau
LittleMonk ( new member #86661) posted at 3:44 PM on Monday, August 10th, 2026
Can I imagine robbing my wife of her agency, violating her consent, deceiving her about the reality of her own life, and choosing not to protect her when doing so would cost me something I wanted?
No. I cannot.
Understanding another person’s humanity does not require me to believe that I would eventually make the same choice if only I thought deeply enough about it.
At some point, agency matters.
