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Just over 2 years out from D-Day I think I have finally reached a point of acceptance and even though obviously wish this shit show never occurred am at peace and happy in the life I’ve now decided.

My marriage is over (except by law as divorce in Australia can only occur if you seperate), I no longer consider myself to be married. I will never celebrate an anniversary again nor wear a wedding ring. An affair to me broke the whole point of marriage. However I am still with my partner. We can still build a life together albeit different now to what we thought when we married.

It took me a while but I finally figured out what could set me free (so to speak). I was trying to save a marriage I had no desire to be. I was deeply unhappy in my marriage and then my husband had his affair and blew it up well and truly.

Once I let got of trying to do that I feel no pressure, I can relax. This new relationship we are building is for our children, it’s transactional in that we both want better financial stability which together we can help each other. But the truth is while we may not be a perfect couple we do love each other even though the way we love is very different and I know that is where we will never be compatible unfortunately.

I am happy to share a life with this man as he has done work on himself and now we have fun, we laugh, we cry and finally communicate on a deeper level than we ever have. But I know my personality and I will never ever forgive nor forget what he did to me.

Not sure if this is true reconciliation but it’s the closest I will come to it and I’m good with that 😊

I understand and relate to so much of what you are saying, and how you are approaching your version of reconciliation. Good on you for finding a way forward that works for you. We are all doing the best we can to deal with the shit sandwich we've been handed. It's on us to find a way through it and minimize the after taste. It looks like you have found your way to be happy moving forward, and I think that's great.

Years ago, after the first Dday, I began to differentiate between my marriage and my relationship with WH. The marriage is broken. The vows are broken. There is a inequity that can never be balanced. Moving forward, I am focused on the relationship we are building. I always thought that infidelity would be a deal breaker, but it turns out that there were bigger considerations for me. At various points in my life, I have experienced financial insecurity and instability. I can never return to that. I've sacrificed too much to get to this stable place. I'm choosing the lesser trauma. And I am working on getting to that place of acceptance and relaxing.

I still do love WH. We have fun together. We laugh, a lot. We have a sort of FWB thing going on. This is what works for me.

[This message edited by PurpleMoxie at 4:00 AM, Tuesday, October 28th]

If any of us can find a path to healing and peace, I’m all for it.

Healthier and happier is good.

For me, my M was transactional before the A — I didn’t love that even then. So, in my version of healing, I needed a lot more giving to each other than taking and more connection than we had before. I went with forgive, but never forget path. I don’t know that forgetting is really ever an option for any of us.