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We have multiple homes so I am staying in our condo. This is our second Dday. We separated in 2020 due to him cheating with same woman. We had been R but caught him "in the act" with OW. We were not living together but things were going great(so I thought). I trusted him! We spent EVERY night together.

Literally, I don’t know how this happened again. Either way, its over. I wont forgive him again. It’s clear he "chose" her over me which is gut wrenching but why did he reach out to me on Christmas? It was a bs attempt and I never answered. But cake eating right?

My mind is spinning and its been 2 weeks. Christmas was the last time he reached out. The text said all I can say is Im sorry.

Again, Im not nor will I respond. He clearly made a choice and he knew that meant he was gone. He didnt even try to ask for forgiveness. I just want to scream, cry, puke but theres nothing. He called after I caught him and he basically said this was about him not me, he would explain it someday but right now HE was still to hurt. I didnt say anything and just hung up. But Hurt by fucking what? Nothing even happened. He is a very easily offended person so who only knows.
I dont know. The constant feeling of pain is gone now its just like…..empty. I dont know. We have no kids together and nothing to fight over so D will be fast.

I just dont get it. Im crushed by the christmas texr "all i can say is im sorry" like what the actual fuck?!

Please tell me im not going crazy.

Dear ((Shewp))

Your story matches mine very closely in R but somewhat separated then walked in on WW with the same AP.
Damn this shit hurts!!!

R is always possible, but we don't know much of your story. WW and I have been trying to R but it is not going well for me. Just too many lies, too much attachment to AP even though she broke it off permanently after the walk in.

If you can detach and break the R that would probably be easiest for you in the long run.

NOW take care of your health! Eat, sleep, exercise and drink water. Talk to loved ones and friends let them know and help you.

May 2023 give you peace and love
Organic

The mindfuck of them reaching out after multiple D days is really something. Just remember that it’s all about them. They are seeking forgiveness and an acknowledgment that they are not so horrible. It has nothing to do with your pain or the vows that they broke, or how they betrayed you with lie after lie. Keeping iNC through all of this is so so difficult, but you’re doing great.

I can’t say anything to make it hurt less. But it’s completely true that it has nothing to do with you and everything to do with a serious flaw in their character. And over time it will get easier. I will tell you that when I kept N C. Eventually my wayward spouse stopped texting me, and that hurt almost as much. But I knew it was the best thing and that it was temporary. And it really was temporary. I still own property with my ex- wayward spouse so about twice a year I need to communicate with him and whenever I get a text from him it just annoys me you will get there.

It’s a new year and it’s going to be a better year. Set your sights on establishing a new foundation when you rely on you. Because you are enough and you have always been enough. Find joy and do the things that make you happy..

It may not be the new year you had planned, but it’s going to be a good one. Hang in there. You are strong and you are worthy and you are going to heal and be just fine.

Yes, he is trying to make himself feel like less of an a-hole by being "sorry". I am glad you didn't answer, as that is absolutely the most powerful response. I would have been tempted to say something immature like "yeah, you are sorry all right; now fuck off." But your absence of reaction is just the best.

Feeling empty will soon be replaced by being hopeful, and engaging in what your new life has to offer. The best to you!

hey shewp, sorry you’re strugglin. i don’t know what your answer is, but i can tell you what mine was (btw, i’m divorced and d day was almost 5 years ago) the goal was to get over her. i didn’t really fixate on the obstacles as much as i did the goal. his apologies and "i’ll explain in the futures" are for him, they’re not for you. if he habitually does this to you, he’s shown you what you need to see. if you can ever reach the goal, his explanations and apologies will become unnecessary and irrelevant to you, but right now they just open rabbit holes for you to get lost in. f#ck that guy. don’t give him the satisfaction of explaining himself. move forward and stay strong. sorry you’re here. i hope 2023 is better to you.

He'll be back.

He'll be back with another sob story.

Seems he's good at that, sending focused rays of pity me talk. He probably knows the exact buttons to push because he thinks he can get away with it.

Time to show him actions do have consequences he cannot talk himself out of.

Don’t waste another second on someone who has so little respect for you.

No contact should include no access to you. No text or email or calls or anything.

New year. New you. New life.

Thank you all for your kind words. I will not R again, the biggest reason being Id rather move on than stay with a cheater for the rest of my life. Being with someone you can’t trust just isnt for me.

I cant believe all of this "cheating" behavior is so common and how many other peoples partners blame BS for their affair. It’s as if they need ro transform mundane things into arguments. The excuse I was originally given was because Id slept to late when he called me to apologize.

Cheating is a sign of weak personality. These people are full of insecurities, lack courage, prone to destructive patterns,low self esteem and total absence of self restraint and self respect. In their attempt to justify their affair and affair related acts they forgo logic and rationality. Then their hypocrisy and double standards kills their sanity. Their toxic lifestyle wont do any good either.They always cause misery to everyone around them. They suck soul out of their partner. Keeping such people as far as possible is the best way of healing and having a better life.You are on right path. Keep up this good work. Am rooting for you.