Topic is Sleeping.
number4 (original poster member #62204) posted at 4:07 AM on Tuesday, February 25th, 2020
Was wondering if anyone has read this book by Bessel A. van der Kolk? Thoughts? WH is reading it right now, but he's reading it from a different perspective than I am (BW). I have very early childhood (infant, toddler) medical trauma, as well as affair trauma. His trauma is parents who were alcoholics.
Me: BWHim: WHMarried - 30+ yearsTwo adult daughters1st affair: 2005-20072nd-4th affairs: 2016-2017Many assessments/polygraph: no sex addictionStatus: R
TheLostOne2020 ( member #72463) posted at 1:59 PM on Tuesday, February 25th, 2020
My wife is reading this. She hasn't said much about it, other than she wants to get to the part where it tells you how to fix things.
She's had significant childhood trauma (her whole family has) from her father, who was majorly abusive.
devotedman ( member #45441) posted at 2:50 PM on Tuesday, February 25th, 2020
CSA survivor here. Amazing book.
Me: 2xBS b 1962 xWW after 2 decades, xWGF after almost 1.
Amelia Pond: Who are you?
The Doctor: I don't know yet. I'm still cooking.
ENFP-A. Huh.
Fantayworld ( member #52756) posted at 3:58 PM on Tuesday, February 25th, 2020
I'm reading it now. It's excellent and explains so much related to trauma but in a somewhat scientific way. I'm just getting to the part about how to fix things and get in touch with the body where the trauma is stored. I highly recommend this book!
burninghouse ( member #63308) posted at 5:18 PM on Tuesday, February 25th, 2020
Excellent book. One of the best I’ve found dealing with trauma. Highly recommended.
BW (me)
WH (him)
D-day 3/2018
Divorcing
Reminding myself often, "The last of the human freedoms: to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.” Viktor Frankl
crazyblindsided ( member #35215) posted at 7:57 PM on Tuesday, February 25th, 2020
This book was eye-opening for me. Helped me understand myself better than I could. I am also a survivor of childhood sexual abuse.
fBS/fWS(me):52 Mad-hattered after DD (2008)
XWS:55 Serial Cheater, Diagnosed NPD
DD(22) DS(19)
XWS cheated the entire M spanning 19 years
Discovered D-Days 2006,2008,2012, False R 2014
Separated 9/2019; Divorced 8/2024
number4 (original poster member #62204) posted at 8:51 PM on Tuesday, February 25th, 2020
Just curious - does he offer what kinds of events constitute trauma? Or give a definition of PTSD? Am wondering if he suggests anywhere that betrayal trauma leads to PTSD? Not that I need anyone to tell me I have PTSD, but I wouldn't want to read a book if the author posits that betrayal trauma is not associated with PTSD.
[This message edited by number4 at 2:51 PM, February 25th (Tuesday)]
Me: BWHim: WHMarried - 30+ yearsTwo adult daughters1st affair: 2005-20072nd-4th affairs: 2016-2017Many assessments/polygraph: no sex addictionStatus: R
gmc94 ( member #62810) posted at 4:36 AM on Thursday, February 27th, 2020
I do not recall that he speak specifically to relational betrayal trauma and PTSD. It’s an excellent book, I’ve read it more than once in the last 18 months.
He does a lot of delving into the common symptoms of PTSD, the politics of getting C-PTSD into the DSM, etc. I don’t think he ever implies or says that relational betrayal could not constitute PTSD, but I do not believe he specifically says it does either. To me, TBKTS is absolutely worthwhile WRT healing from trauma - regardless of the origin(s).
If you want information on relational betrayal trauma and PTSD, I would listen to the Marnie Breecker 2-part interview on The Addicted Mind podcast and Helping Couples Heal Podcasts.
[This message edited by gmc94 at 10:40 PM, February 26th, 2020 (Wednesday)]
M >25yrs/grown kids
DD1 1994 ONS prostitute
DD2 2018 exGF1 10+yrEA & 10yrPA... + exGF2 EA forever & "made out" 2017
9/18 WH hung himself- died but revived
It's rude to say "I love you" with a mouthful of lies
sunwillshine ( member #47200) posted at 12:07 AM on Sunday, March 1st, 2020
This book saved my life. Made me understand that time alone would not help my PTSD. Convinced me to seek the help and treatment I needed. There are cures for PTSD. Be talks about them in his book. Today after various treatments, I have not had a dissociative episode in 2 and a half years.
D-day 2/12/15
5 DD (3 his, 2 mine) all grown
married 9/97 together 8/94.
Moved back in 5/30/16 working on R
Okokok ( member #56594) posted at 7:54 PM on Thursday, March 5th, 2020
Today after various treatments, I have not had a dissociative episode in 2 and a half years.
Can you say more about this? If you're comfortable. I'm very interested to learn what worked for you.
Erstwhile BH and BBF. Always healing.
Divorced dad with little kids.
Topic is Sleeping.
